Killer, Klepto and Pyro shorts
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: A collection of unrelated one-shots featuring the time travelling shenanigans of Sara, Leonard and Mick, and sometimes cameos from the rest of the team. For all your fun and angst free Rogue Canary and Captain Canary needs.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOT or any of the characters.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Drunk texting**

If she had a nickel for every time they got into a bar brawl, she would probably be... using those nickels to get drunk somewhere and start another fight. Bar brawls was for them what Netflix and chill was for normal people- the perfect way to relax after a long day. And so it was a little disappointing to sit at a bar sipping beer peacefully with no signs of trouble.

Well, as peaceful as it could be with Mick constantly talking about that trick he knew of setting shots on fire, and Leonard answering him with non-committal grunts.

It wasn't long before she switched to tequila shots, and the room started spinning around her. Leonard warned her she had had enough, that she was going to get wasted, but Sara Lance, being a woman who never liked being told what she could and could not do, specially by the smug crook she secretly had a thing for, continued binging on liquor. In the end, when the bartender cut her off, he offered her his shoulder to lean on, like the gentleman he tended to be when it came to her, but she decided to use her ninja skills to make it back to the ship by herself.

[[MORE]]

What her ninja training didn't teach her was how to refrain from drunk texting, and before sleep could claim her, she found herself reaching for her phone.

* * *

Leonard groaned. That was the seventh text in a span of minutes. He wasn't drunk, but he was tired and trying to sleep, and whoever was thinking of him was certainly not helping. Sighing, he grabbed his phone and willed his eyes to half open so he could read the messages on the screen.

 _U cheated._

 _Wherez my money? I won d last poker round. :(_

 _Hey that smiley looks just like u! Bald grumpy n kinda cute._

 _Am I cute, Len?_

 _Len, Lenny, Leo, Leonard. That's funny._

 _Whatcha doing?_

 _thinkin of me?_

* * *

Drunk Sara sounded like just another woman in her tweens, and it was the first time he realized how young and vulnerable she truly was, behind her mask of acquired strength. And beautiful. There was a pure, innocent beauty in this rare moment of silliness.

Also, blackmail material. He could threaten to show the texts to the others and get her to pay his bills. If she didn't kill him first.

He waited a while for her babbling to stop and her to fall asleep, and when she did, he found himself drifting off to sleep with a smile on his head.

* * *

Sara's head was hurting the next afternoon when she finally woke up, and no medicine Gideon could provide seemed to help. The lights seemed too bright and her bed seemed too inviting, but she had to at least make an appearance at the team's lunch table.

"Sleep well?" Leonard asked, with a hint of amusement in his eyes that made her want to crawl into the depths of the ship in embarrassment.

Tentatively, she asked, "Did I do something stupid last night?"

"Aside from professing your undying love for me? No," he answered coolly.

Sara froze. She didn't. Did she? No. Of all the many ways she could have told him, this had to be one of the worst because she couldn't remember it. But if this had really happened, Leonard would have chosen to forget it and never brought it up. She knew he was bluffing. Besides, loving him maybe a lot of things- terrifying, frustrating, exhilarating- but it wasn't stupid. She grinned. "So nothing then. Great!"

Leonard smirked. If only she remembered the texts she had sent him last night! They were enough to torment her forever, and if he had a nickel for each time he would do just that, well, he could finally retire from robbing banks and take up bar brawls as his full time job.

* * *

Two hours later, he made the mistake of passing her his phone to show her the damning evidence he had against her, and she repaid him by deleting all the texts.

On the bright side, at least she didn't break his bones.

"For the record, Sara," he said in an amused tone, "I am not _cute_. Babies are cute, bunnies are cute, _you_ are cute."

She raised an eyebrow. "Aww, you just called me cute, and you don't even have the excuse of being drunk."

He shrugged. He certainly wasn't going to shy away from flirting with her. "Come on then. Let's hit another bar."

She grinned. "Thought you'd never ask."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Thieving Threesome**

* * *

It's been a little too quiet on the Snart and Rory front lately- no bar brawls, no fires, no attempts to steal artifacts from the face of history. And it's not because things are icy between Leonard and Mick since their latest showdown. She can tell they have done this before, and they are fine now, having resolved their conflict in their own unique way.

This is something else entirely, something devious secretly going on in plain sight that has somehow escaped her notice, and she feels compelled to get to the bottom of it.

* * *

She finds them in their room, Mick on the upper bunk, staring at the flame of a lighter, Leonard on the floor, throwing a ball at the wall. Neither of them acknowledge her presence, but she leans against the doorframe and starts a conversation anyway. "So, why have I not seen you two go out there and try to steal things lately?"

Leonard smirks. "What can I say? I'm a reformed man. This hero thing is really growing on me."

Sara scoffs. Yes, Leonard has embraced his new role as an anti-hero, and Mick has made an amazing comeback from being Chronos. Sure, they were never bad people to begin with, they were never the type of criminals who just like to hurt others for the sadistic pleasure of it, but she will be damned if they turn into Mister-goody-two-shoes, stop breaking the rules every once in a while and stop being her partners in stirring up trouble and having a little fun. There's no way in hell this isn't a sarcastic answer aimed to hide their true motives. This makes her even more suspicious. She stares at Mick, waiting for an answer.

Mick stashes the lighter away, and gets down from his bunk. He stands across from her, and shrugs. "Sorry, blondie. I like you, I really do. But some things are between me and him."

She pouts in that adorable way that works on most men and has never worked on them before. "Come on. You can trust me."

"Trust you to use a piece of information to your advantage?" Leonard drawls, not amused. "I'll pass."

She knows she doesn't have enough leverage to extort the truth out of them. She lets the matter rest- for the time being, that is.

* * *

The next time she brings it up is in the middle of a fight. Her back is to Leonard's, and they have their staffs and guns pointed at the enemy. She throws a knife at the goon engaging Mick in a fight, and yells at him, knowing he's her best bet. "I just saved your life. Are you going to tell me now?"

"No," he says curtly before returning to the fighting.

And she wonders what the point of having two men flirting with her is, if she cannot even get them to spill the beans.

* * *

Two days later, she tricks Gideon into letting her into their room when they are not there, searches the whole place for stolen goods, and comes up empty. Of course they stashed it some place else, someplace she wouldn't think to look, some place like-

She rushes to her room as soon as the thought crosses her mind. And sure enough, there are boxes of vintage cereals under her bed that she doesn't remember seeing before. She grabs one, debates whether it's poisoned, takes a sniff and decides no, munches on the contents, and waits for the rogues' return so she can demand an explanation.

* * *

"What are those boxes of cereals doing under my bed?" she asks when they are finally alone, directing the question at both of them and letting them decide who would answer.

Neither does. Leonard shrugs, feigning innocence and managing to make himself look guilty, with that look of mischief in his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sara huffs. "Try again."

Mick shrugs too, not offering any valid answer either. "It's _your_ room. You should be asking yourself that question."

If they are going to be this unhelpful, then so be it. She can piece it together herself quite easily, actually. Ray has mentioned Rip's storage of vintage cereals before. It's a simple bet that Leonard and Mick have been stealing those, hoping to take them back home and sell them at a high price. The reason they haven't been stealing out there in the field is because they have been stealing in the ship, right under their noses. She has to give them props. This is a simple yet brilliant idea. Rip probably won't even notice his stock is missing, and if he does, surely the blame will rest squarely on Ray's shoulders- or stomach, rather. Nobody has a clue what they have been doing, the sneaky little master-thieves.

Nobody except her, that is. "I want in," she demands.

"And why would we give you a share of _our_ hard earned cash?" Mick counters, with a nod from Leonard acknowledging he agrees with the sentiment. "I'm pretty sure you're not gonna rat us out to anybody."

Sara grins impishly. She definitely will not, and nobody else from the team will ever dare to enter her room and find out either. It really is the perfect hiding place. And she really is going to make the most of that. "You're right, I won't. But your precious cargo is under _my_ bed, and sometimes I get hungry during midnights. Just remember that."

* * *

In the end, it's decided that it'll be a three-way split. Sara gets half the boxes, Mick and Leonard the other half amongst themselves. They grudgingly acknowledge it was a dumb plan- though the only plan that could work, and they vow never to let Sara in their business again, in any form or capacity.

Until they stumble across Rip's vintage action figures and need a skilled assassin to smuggle it out of its carefully guarded location.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The great "You pulled a gun on me more times than I puled a gun on you" debate.**

Like many disasters that could have easily been avoided but ended up happening instead, it starts with an offhand remark by Ray, because of course it does.

And like Mick with a matchstick standing in an endless meadow, everything soon goes up in flames.

Stein hears the heated argument all the way from his room, and makes his way to the control room to see what the commotion is about this time. Just a minute of listening to it silently, and he can't take it anymore. He is ready to condescend, and this _needs_ condescending desperately. "You know, Clarissa and I used to fight over whose turn it is to do the dishes, or who said what about the family, or perhaps where to have a Christmas dinner." He shakes his head to emphasize his disbelief, and leaves before he becomes the target of the quibbling couple's misdirected anger, but not without one last comment- "I honestly never thought I'd ever see a couple who fight over who tried to _kill_ the other more times. Congratulations."

Leonard nods proudly and Sara grins before they return their attention back to the argument at hand.

Mick, for the most part, is thoroughly enjoying this. He sips on his beer and watches the evidence of how Leonard Snart has finally met his match, in every possible way- someone who can press his buttons and get him to argue and keep up with him during the argument. After the first half hour though, it is clear that the situation will not escalate and neither will blow anything up, and it gets a little boring. "Let it go, Barbie. Snart and I have pulled our guns on each other more times than we can count. You don't see us whining about it."

Sara answers that by directing her deadliest glare at him. He might be Len's long time partner, but he's her friend too, and he's not supposed to be picking sides.

Also, she might pull a gun on him just for calling her Barbie.

Mick instantly corrects his mistake. Well, the one he notices anyway. Neutrality is his friend here. He turns his focus to his partner. "Since when do you lose your cool, Snart? This is a dumb fight."

Leonard too answers with a glare of his own. Couples do start to resemble each other after a while after all.

With a shrug, Mick returns to his very important business of getting drunk while watching the live reality show.

Jax stands between the two to make sure neither actually draw fire, just in case. Ray wanted to do it, but everyone knows how that would have the exact opposite effect on Snart, so no. He has been ordered unanimously by everyone to stay in the corner and keep his mouth shut. He is mostly quiet, except for his loud munching on a bag of chips.

Kendra is, as usual, the only one actually trying to stop the fight and resolve the issue and make sure nobody is hurt.

So far, so bad. Here's how the scorecard looks:

Leonard threatened to kill Sara when she turned the thermostat in their room up to an unpleasant degree of warmth, used his precious cold gun for the trivial task of adding ice to her vodka, stole his wallet because how dare she steal from a master thief, used his Carmen Electra poster for target practice, and most importantly, used the sleeves of his parka to wipe her smudged mascara on their second date.

Sara threatened to kill Leonard when she found him using her shampoo for his non-existent hair, her knives as a bottle opener, her bed as a trampoline for Ray (don't ask), and that one time he teased her about the waitress she was flirting with.

And the further they go down memory lane, moving from arguing over one thing to the next, the more it seems like this conversation is never going to end.

Finally, it's Ray who breaks. "Okay, okay, stop! So that's your thing! It's kind of cute. Well, in a completely dysfunctional way. Threatening to kill each other is your way of saying I love you."

Mick, Len, Sara, and Jax collectively groan at hearing that.

"I'll kill _you_ if you ever bring up the l-word again," Snart warns.

"Aww, you love Ray," Sara coos.

"You love Martin then," Leonard shoots back, reminding her of her death threat back in the 1950s.

"You love Barry," she counters.

"Here we go again," Kendra mumbles, hands up in the air in defeat, as Ray's offhand remark starts off yet _another_ fight, because of course it does.


End file.
